What to say to someone who has recently broken up after a long relationship

In response to livelonger's Hub Request:

There really isn't much to say. Having gone through a huge breakup myself a few years ago, the best thing my friends did for me was to just be there. They listened and kept me busy. Sometimes they offered their own stories of heartbreak, which was reassuring, but the main thing was allowing me time to heal. And while they say it takes half the time you were in the actual relationship to heal, everyone must follow their own path. Coincidentally, I had a relative visiting from South America. She'd never been to Los Angeles so I got to show her all the sights and in return she taught me how to rock climb. That was an invaluable gift, focusing me outside of my own head and it led to me joining an outdoor group for a three day trek into the desert. That was amazing and really validating. Then I was inspired to try a lot of new things like martial arts and running. So a lot of good came out of that. It's not at all easy though, a major breakup. It's like a death. And you will go through all the classic stages: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance (more familiar version in link below). What you should NOT do is rush the grieving process or get impatient with your friend. It takes as long as it takes. Of course if you secretly feel that he/she is just not moving on and stuck in depression, then suggest a good therapist. An objective professional can better asses their situation that you can. Remember, give them all of your love and acceptance when they need it. And refer them to someone else (as gently as possible) when you feel you have given everything you've got. Believe me, your friend will appreciate this, whether or not he/she shows it at the time. Peace.

Kate West Reviews

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