Twentysomethings

I keep coming back to the same dilemma. How to stay attractive to men when I am no longer i my twenties. Because after years of dating, or attempts at dating I should say, I've learned that most men want twenty somethings. Maybe it reminds them of their hey days, or maybe they are in denial of the fact that, as in that line from Moonstruck between spouses, "I just want you to know that no matter what you do, you're still gonna die! " Or maybe I just need to move out of Los Angeles.

At any rate, no gentlemen, that little hottie you met in the bar won't turn back the clock for you (or neither will that little red sports car - are you that cliché, really?) And yet you keep trying. Meanwhile, women your actual age are left with either lecherous old men or predators who are bored of their own wives. Fun choices. We could try the same thing you do and try out our Cougar act, but we'd need to be even hotter (and richer). So what's left for us normal gals?

Well, first of all ladies, let go of your past. Yes, you used to be desirable, but that was a long time ago by today's harsher standards. So you need to shift your perception and really look in the mirror to discover who you are TODAY. That inner beauty has never been more important. And we should've built up a bit of immunity against rejection by now, right? Have you had a nice conversation with a guy in a bar only for him to ask you about your younger friend? That means he's not for you. Move on. Try not to debase yourself either with too many one-night stands (unless you truly are emotionally-free and fun-filled) because in the end, phone sex with strangers won't fulfill you the way you deserve. And no sleeping with the afore-mentioned married men either. That doesn't do anyone any good.

Second, you already know you don't need a man to define you. Sure, it's nice to have someone willing to cuddle you back when it's drumming rain against your windows, but don't sacrifice who you are just for a warm body. The guy has to want you back, in mind, body and spirit. Please don't settle for less - life is too short. No need to leave yourself affirming voice mails either. You've developed your own interests by now, so pursue them. Keep adventuring, keep traveling, keep volunteering and exposing yourself to different avenues of life. That happiness you exude when you are happy with yourself is always contagious.

Smile. I know, I hate when people tell me that too. But actually demonstrating openness can often push away unseen barriers. Sometimes people even smile back - even men. When you are ready to try, try again and post that online profile yet again, just be casual. Don't put all your expectations in one guy either and listen to the rule of three. If you are dating three men at the same time, one will eventually stand out without your focused obsession to scare him away. Women tend to get attached too soon while the guys are still figuring things out. Let them go at their own pace. They'll catch up soon enough. Or not. You know who you are. You can't be younger, but you can be more experienced. And cooler.

He's out there. Somewhere. I promise. In the meantime, you keep being you. Sing loud and proud.

Help me out here, gals. Any other advice?

Kate West Reviews

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