The Long Losts
65What would you do if your long lost love was single?
I already asked this question to the forum, but I think it may evoke extensive discussion, so may as well write a hub about it. Everyone has a "what if" scenario. (see http://hubpages.com/question/117683/what-would-you-do-if-your-long-lost-love-was-single)
For me, well, I've loved a couple of times. I have a first love (still friends with him, which is nice), an intellectual love (ongoing saga), a few rebounds (ugh), some sadly failed crushes/misunderstandings, lots and lots of first dates (seems like years of that), a fantasy/escapist blind love (going through a hard time back then) and a passionate love, the long lost one (for the record, I have no idea whether or not he's single, besides which I was the heartbreaker on that end) and an unfortunate affair, just to relieve some boredom. One of the above was an actual soul mate (older hub on soul mates, BTW) who didn't ignite fire in the end, but man, I learned a lot from him.
All of these "relationships" (some of them weren't even that, though I pretended they were, even feeling nothing), shape who I am. I convinced myself into scenarios. It's true that you can grow to love someone you didn't before and that passion doesn't last, but it's a delicate blend of heart and head that makes the best marriage. Hadn't quite mastered that (or the marriage). The guys I've been most passionate about were the love-at-first sights, but we can't always have that.
When I was younger, I believed those romantic comedies (still haven't forgiven "P.S. I Love You" for not giving me an irishman). But we all know real life isn't like the movies (those of us who actually live in Hollywood should really know better, right?) And the older we get, the harder it is to find love. Before, all I had to do was be young. Now it's a lot more work for painfully little reward.
I dutifully work on myself, of course. Live my life in the present, just try to "do" (past "doings" include yoga, martial arts, swing dancing, choral singing, indoor skydiving, hiking/rock climbing, desert questing, traveling abroad, seeing plays/films/festivals, reading everything, falconry, petting wolves, driving from Los Angeles to Seattle by myself, marathoning, getting a tattoo, you name it). Adventure. Friends, family, work and writing make me happy - I'm not "incomplete". But ...
The "what ifs" rattle around in my brain sometimes. My few experiments with remaining open to the universe sent me horrible men (does that mean we're fighting Mr. Universe?) I don't blame people for being more cautious these days, but it does limit you from getting to know each other. First impressions don't work for me - people have layers and history and it takes time to uncover all of that. Besides, people change, going back to the original question. Your long lost love can't possibly be the same person, or at least, I hope not. And what are the odds that you will be compatible again, but in a different way? How can you find someone you will be crazy about who will actually be crazy about you too? Ideally, someone I couldn't wait to pick up at the airport. And being best friends too? Heaven. So unlikely though, what with bad timing, fear and plain old human weakness. Can we rise above that somehow?
Doesn't mean you should give up though. I try not to anyway. Dreaming keeps us alive and hopeful - I wouldn't take that away from anyone.
Peace.
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I did learn to avoid Pisces, however! If you believe in that sort of thing ....
Thanks! I think it's important to believe in love, even when there is no evidence for miracles.
Oh my this is a good question to consider. I bet almost everyone has (at least) thought about this and thought WHAT IF! I enjoyed reading your The Long Losts. Keep up the good work and keep believing in the great power of love. :) Katie
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Neil Sperling Level 5 Commenter 4 weeks ago
Times change - and we with time - -- but not in ways of friendship. Chances are when a lost love re-surfaces both parties have grown... starting over together would depend on in which direction the growth took each person. In my experience is seldom moves people in a direction that would work - that said I know a few couples who actually re-came together and stayed.