Feel Beautiful

It really is in the eye of the beholder, but most especially within yourself. But first, some superficiality: I wrestled with this concept for a long time, only believing I was beautiful if other people told me I was. And they had to be men. Plenty of my gal pals (and family) would comment on my appearance, which was nice, but it didn't count. I had to be desired by the opposite sex, something I still struggle with. It didn't help when family members told me I was overweight. I think because the women in my family have never felt comfortable with themselves, I had a hard time with it too. But I'm getting better.

The past few years, the single years, I've really done a lot for myself, including running a marathon (http://katewest.hubpages.com/hub/Marathoning-Over-40), rock climbing, traveling to Ireland and Scotland on my own, taking lessons in oddities (drumming, juggling) and just soaking in every life experience I could. It helped, though I still secretly wanted to define myself by someone loving me. I knew I had to love myself first and I did, but why didn't anyone else see how amazing I was?!!

It's a life-long process, this proving to yourself you are worthy. I'm getting there. I've read all the self-help books and the inspirational blogs and the tales of other single women leading fabulous lives. Don't ever stop being influenced by those you admire. You have to do things for yourself, because of course in the end, you are all you really have.

I don't try to define beauty anymore. Because so many beautiful people can't see that about themselves sometimes, me included. You really need to see beauty in the world before you can see it in yourself. That "finding yourself" adventure? You're never too old and it's never too late. Just ask Elizabeth Gilbert why she wrote "Eat, Pray, Love". Please find your own adventure though. She's got some "groupies" who follow in her footsteps, go to the same places she did, try to experience what she did. You must find your own path. The one that leads to your own true beauty. You can find it in friends and family, but mostly in yourself.

A friend of mine did a portrait of me to show me what others saw, that I apparently didn't. That's always easier, isn't it? Being objective about someone else. Really get used to seeing yourself in the mirror, objectively and without childhood angst or misguided judgment. Sure, therapy can help steer you there, but in the meantime, do things for yourself. You don't have to be vain about it, but you can appreciate seeing the magic of the universe every once in a while, even inside your own eyes.

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