Are You My Boyfriend?

How many of us know the children's book "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman (not Dr. Seuss)? My mother read this to me when I was a child and I still remember it as one of my very first books. A baby bird falls out of his nest and searches everywhere for his mother, asking everyone, "Are you my mother?" A bulldozer ends up depositing him back home before he can get into too much trouble (whew!) so there's a happy ending there. Not always the case with poor little lost children.

Anyway, I thought of this book the other day as I reflected on my dating patterns. I realized that in my college days, I never dated, I only had boyfriends. Meaning I always turned guys I dated into boyfriends. An incurable romantic, I wanted to be with THE ONE. I wanted poetry and music, idolatry and true love. Even when I secretly knew I didn't love the person I was with, I wanted to make myself. Why else be with him? And if he broke up with me, as they so often did, I was always devastated. So that was obviously an ego thing, with most of those guys anyway. In my whole life, I've only ever TRULY loved three men. The rest of them, well, I doubt I'd want to even be friends with them now.

I also remember a story by Ray Bradbury (was it from THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES? or THE ILLUSTRATED MAN?) about a man chasing Jesus. He kept hearing rumors that The Messiah had returned and was just on the next planet. So he kept dropping everything and rushing to where he thought he could find salvation, only to be told, "Oh, you just missed him!" Then he'd dash off again, in hopes of running into his dream. Of course Jesus ended up being on that planet after all, but as we all know, faith must come to you when you are open, not when you are demanding it. Isn't that always the way in the Universe?

So it is with love, apparently. Not being a very patient person, this lesson has been a tough one for me. I know that each first date is really just an interview. We don't know each other and it's silly and presumptuous to start those fantasies going about where we're going to buy rings. Not right away, anyway. And I know women probably (generally) do this more often than men and get more emotional earlier. I know it's possible to have sex without emotion (guess we've all been there at one point or another) but it's certainly not ideal. Not for the woman looking for THE ONE.

I know you have to love yourself first, that you can find a non-romantic soul mate and that YOU are the only ONE that matters, in the long run. But still, I've had to work super hard at not asking that question that will inevitably send guys running for the hills: "Are you my boyfriend?" Trying to define a relationship too soon is only asking for trouble. Stop, smell the roses, enjoy yourself, have fun and try something new - like just waiting to see what happens.

If anyone is really good at this, let me know! I work every day at remaining open to the universe and I think I'm getting better at it, but like everything else in life, there are no guarantees.

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